The notion that men were the ones who needed to changenot a bad idea, in my opinionhad a stubborn way of relinquishing women from the burden of their own choices and behavior. (I have no reason to suspect that Chanel Miller is a chronic blackout drinker, but my research taught me that blackout drinking can be chronic in college environments. But the conversation didnt go as Id planned. But the social and moral and criminal consequences can be grave. I had to learn a tolerance to sit in my own uncomfortable feelings -- and then you kind of start thinking, What kind of life do I want to build for myself?. Sarah Hepolais the author of the bestsellingBlackoutand whatever she writes next. Public scolding, all-caps hyperbole, a stubborn refusal to understand another point of viewintolerance, once perceived as a conservative problem, was fully bipartisan now. We see Hepola scan an AA room for a potential boyfriend, gain fifty pounds by . A writers life is financially precarious. And that is a great gift that you can give someone. Sarah Hepola's Blackout, a dark, funny, honest-to-the-bone account of getting sober. I kept going. Her place was filled with hardback books and writers who had been invited because they danced on the precarious edge of what was considered appropriate. I think a lot of people dont know the difference. So I was relieved that someone of Gladwells stature had broached the topic. But it was like that for me.". And though the area of expertise Id staked out as a writer was the complications of womens independence and the nuances of sex, and my own personal brand was blunt honesty, I could not bring myself to say word one about these episodes in public. Let's start with the most recent piece: Texas writer Sarah Hepola's Atlantic article, a rambling, illogical screed that was full of fallacious arguments. Id choose a lot of gnarly punishments before Id choose to lose the status and career Ive built over more than two decades. When I quit drinking in 2010, bringing to an end a dark history of blackouts and tumbles down staircases, I thought I might lose my writing career. When Don retired, they split their time between summers at the cabin on Duck Lake, MN and winters at their home in Mesa, AZ. Like me, the younger man had fallen in love with art because it was the place where people told the truth. What if I picked up the groceries and I got the wrong ones? A memoir of unblinking honesty and poignant, laugh-out-loud humor, BLACKOUT is the story of a woman stumbling into a new kind of adventure--the sober life she never wanted. Im dying to talk about the Brock Turner incident, I said. Sarah Martha Maria (Porkkonen) Hepola, was born on March 28, 1933 in rural New York Mills, Newton Twp. What would you say to people who are maybe 30 days out from quitting? I was stuck. She is the host/creator of the Texas Monthly podcast on the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, Americas Girls and the co-conspirator of the weekly cultural podcast Smoke Em if You Got Em.. I was very disconnected from my body by the end. "Sobriety sucked the biggest donkey dong in the world," she tells us, and she backs that up. Were living in a time when social media have made it dangerous to address certain fraught topics from the wrong perspective. Sarah grew up in Dallas, Texas, and was brought up in a household of modest chaos. And I knew blackouts so intimately that I literally wrote the book. N ot long ago, I visited Austin, where I spent much of my 20s, and I noticed that my female friends were all dressed the . It was also, as Miller acknowledged and like every story ever told, incomplete. I still wanted it both ways: the respect and admiration of strangers without the hard work of earning that respect. I carved out a journalism career during an era when that was not so hard to do. All Rights Reserved. What he said was slow, and careful, and Ive never forgotten it. And this is not just a sex thing! But the social and moral and criminal consequences can be grave. This is about every corner of human life. That shook me. There was a lot about blackouts I didnt know before I read your book. Movies and books became a refuge, along with the Top 40 radio I listened to at night in my pink-and-red bedroom to drown out arguments between my parents, who were going through a rough patch. While researching my book, I spoke with Aaron White, a leading expert on blackouts who is now the chief of epidemiology and biometry at the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. She is also survived by her grandchildren: Sarah, Brady, Matt, JJ, Jennifer, Greg, Joe, Danny, and Shane, along with her great-grandchildren Runa, Hans, Asher, Bear, and Autumn. Early in our correspondence, hed expressed great affection for Jonathan Franzen. For Sarah Hepola, alcohol was "the gasoline of all adventure." She spent her evenings at cocktail parties and dark bars where she . Required fields are marked *. ANew York Timescolumnist who would eventually be publicly excommunicated. Id get killed!, His look wasnt judgmental. Sarah Hepola Net Worth is $7 Million. And it never occurred to me that that conflation was happening, and it was happening on such a wide level. She was baptized at home on April 19, 1933 into the Finnish National Lutheran Church and later when the Topelius Church merged with the LCMS, she was confirmed at Trinity Lutheran Church in New York Mills. Its kind of mind-boggling to contemplatethatnotpouring a beer on a strangers head would be the bad career move. And I was broke, but I had no idea what to do about it. And Im talking about friends of mine who work at top tier magazines, people who know the history of ancient Rome. I listened to podcasts on which controversial figures interviewed controversial guests, engaging in those delicious conversations I held so dear. Privately, I worried I was wrong. And thats why, midway through a career built on speaking out, I shut up. From reading your book, that seemed to me like perhaps the time that was the hardest for you. She went to St. She is currently working on a memoir for The Dial Press/Random House about her ambivalent . Back in 2015, I was putting out my first book, and then I was promoting that book, and then I was struggling to write a second book, and I could not risk the personal and professional blowback that might accompany stepping into the wrong lane. Yes, exactly! Or I would pause the recording to offer my own opposing view, like I was part of this conversation, and not the passive listener. When I quit drinking in 2010, bringing to an end a dark history of blackouts and tumbles down staircases, I thought I might lose my writing career. Sometimes, when money was tight, I ate this big jar of peanut butter . Millers victims statement evokes the confusion, the shame, the soul trespass of this harrowing moment. Sally was very special and made friends wherever she went. But one of the things that reached through my denial, for whatever reason, was other peoples stories. If only I could write this well. And what I wish I could impart to someone is: If you can just get through that difficult first month, or two months, or whatever it turns out to be, I promise you, I swear to you, it is so much better on this side. Fewer open bars, more closed DMs. Every one of my friendships got stronger when I quit drinking -- because when you dare to tell the truth to the people who are close to you, and you dare to show your heart to them, that is an act of trust, and people, if theyre good friends -- and mine were -- they respond to that. This was 2018, and the party was an informal gathering at the sumptuous Brooklyn brownstone of a writer deemed problematic, even before that word went mainstream. Perhaps I had internalized my own misogyny, whatever that means. That might be why Ive so desperately sought the validation of people on Twitter Ive never even met. Some of them just never spoke about it and silently worried. The reviews were mixed, but the hits didnt really come, maybe because by the time his book came out, during the cresting wave of Black Lives Matter, the culture had moved away from #MeToo discussions, or maybe because nobody felt like tangling with Malcolm Gladwell. Sarah is survived by her husband, Russell Hepola; children, Paula (John) Hepola Anderson, Annette (John) Blume, Lynn (Delbert) Fickes & Keith Hepola; grandchildren, Joanna Anderson, Bryan (Mackenzie) Blume, Joshua (Kelsie) Blume, Maria (Cory) Grunewald, Hannah (Mikael) VahnDijk, Christopher Fickes, Angelene (John) Winges & Shane (Kristi) Fickes; What Sarah Hepola taught me about blackout drinking and sobriety's thrill I have that line in the book: Activism may defy nuance, but sex demands it." But so many of these spectacles could be grouped under a more mundane heading. David F. Labaree is Lee L. Jacks Professor at the Stanford University Graduate School of Education and a professor (by courtesy) in history. At a lake. In the pandemic madness of 2021, a journalist friend who enjoyed sounding off on science and homeopathy decided to stay the hell away from COVID. You mention that you were able to write off educational materials about excessive drinking -- like a student health center pamphlet, in college -- because they just didnt seem that realistic to you. I hadnt gossiped so enthusiastically since middle school. But I was swiftly counseled away by my lets-not-die-in-this-ditch partner in difficult conversations. They were married in Little Falls and moved to Eden Prairie,. I grew so deeply uncomfortable, so roiled with shame, that I began plotting new careers. Sally was born on September 1, 1928, to Frank and Noella Hall in Little Falls, MN. My book opens with an episode in Paris where I came out of a blackout in the middle of having sex with a man I did not recognize. She is the host/creator of the Texas Monthly podcast on the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, "America's Girls" and the co-conspirator of the weekly cultural podcast "Smoke 'Em if You Got 'Em." Rags to Riches: How US Higher Ed Went from Pitiful to Powerful, podcast about the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, Follow David Labaree on Schooling, History, and Writing on WordPress.com, Paul Fussell Thank God for the Atom Bomb, The Winning Ways of a Losing Strategy: Educationalizing Social Problems in the US. By Sarah Hepola Ms. Hepola is the author of the best-selling memoir "Blackout: Remembering the Things I Drank to Forget." One of the trickiest things about blackouts is that you don't . I didnt deserve to be there, or at least thats how I felt as guests exchanged war stories about the scolds on social media, where I mostly posted upcoming appearances, like a bot run by a PR firm. Im not gonna deal with that person because that person brings chaos -- and I understand that. A writers life is financially precarious. I was very disconnected from the emotional stakes of sex. Careerism. I wanted people to love me without really knowing me, which isnt love. Writers gathered around the long communal table of Twitter, and some days it felt like the last scene ofReservoir Dogseveryone turning their guns on one another. Show More. Yes, I Am a Dallas Girl. Her essays have appeared in the New York Times magazine, the Atlantic, Elle, Bloomberg Businessweek, The Guardian, Salon, and Texas Monthly. I have spoken to women who, when they wake up and they cant remember what happened the night before, their immediate thing is, I was drugged; I was roofied. And that is possible, but I think one of the things that wasnt out there, to my thinking, was just how often excessive drinking leads to blacking out, especially for women. But its not like theyre gonna turn around and say, Thank you! I actually have a friend whose husband is in AA, and she doesn't have a drinking problem, but she goes to the . on Sarah Hepola The Things Im Afraid to Write About. She was a very positive person, had an independent spirit, was high energy, and was incredibly welcoming and caring. Ours was not a moment to explore The Other Side. Shes the host and creator of the Texas Monthly podcastAmericas Girls, an eight-part series on the lost history and cultural impact of the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, a series that no less thanVogue magazine said expertly complicates Americas cheerleading obsession. Sarah never knew she was a cat person until she got a cat. Your size might be different than my size. I'm posting this for two compelling reasons. . Outside on the sidewalk, he thanked me politely and sauntered off in the other direction, and I was left wondering why, indeed, we do these things. Joan Didion, Carl Sagan, Christopher Hitchens, though I had more reservations about that last one. Here's a link to the original. husband and son, that ultimately create the life she needs to survive. No jail time. Fewer open bars, more closed DMs. And thats why, midway through a career built on speaking out, I shut up. David Labaree on Schooling, History, and Writing, Comments on the nature of the US system of schooling, big history, and the craft of writing. Sally was very special and made friends wherever she went. She was in her own bed, her cat snuggled up beside her and the sun . He came from a different generation, but I was pleased to discover that he shared many of my unconventional opinions and favorite authors, that taste and perspective werent necessarily a matter of the year you were born. Because I wanted to talk to other writers about the things you cant write about anymore., His eyes narrowed. Atlantic. She lives in East Dallas, where she enjoys playing her guitar poorly and listening to the "Xanadu" soundtrack. You can call it justice. By Sarah Hepola H. Armstrong Roberts / ClassicStock / Getty; Gabriela Pesqueira / The Atlantic March 12, 2022 One evening, I sat on the brown-leather couch of a younger man who admired me for. I didn't do AA or anything like that, just lurked here and became a devout fan of Sarah Hepola and her musings. Her stories have appeared in the NYT Magazine, the Guardian, Elle, Slate, Texas Monthly, and Salon, where she was a long-time editor. I grew up reading Edgar Allan Poe (alcoholic, married his 13-year-old cousin), dancing to James Brown (domestic abuse, alleged rape), watching Woody Allen movies (is Woody Allen). Oprah managed deep conversations with each of them, never pointing out that one account brushed uncomfortably against the other. Which is one of the fundamental problems that alcoholics have to face: some people can keep alcohol in their life because theyre able to moderate it, but I could not. Online condolences may be left at jonespearson.com. BLACKOUT: Remembering The Things I Drank To Forget, Things Fall Apart: Thoughts on Joan Didion, Why Im Doing a Podcast on the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders. She eventually identified herself as Chanel Miller, but at the time of the statements publication, it was anonymous, and identified only the other key figure, a swimmer named Brock Turner, whose ubiquitous mug shot helped turn him into the poster child for every smug athlete, every entitled douchebag the world has ever known. He worked in a factory, with his hands. But admitting what I really thought, what I really believed about these complicated issues, I feared a similar exile. Silent, fearful, aching to be heard, petrified of being misunderstood. But in my professional life, I wrote about apolitical subjects such as dating and travel, and on Instagram, I mostly posted about my cat and whatever seltzer I was currently enjoying. All Content 2023 Sarah Hepola. At what point does an AirBNB just become a hotel? Its projection. I kept going. But I think that when youre in that place, you do feel dramatic. One of the reasons that I drank so much when I was drinking and involved with men is that I felt deeply uncomfortable with my own body. Were missing the chance to learn. . I was stuck on my second book, stuck on projects Id taken to cover the expenses of not finishing that book. A single womans life, also precarious. We spoke about her newly released first book Blackout: Remembering The Things I Drank To Forget, which is about a lifetime of drinking and the initial years of recovery. Mini Biography. All my friends drank -- why were they telling me its not OK, when their drinking was OK? Artists were the weirdos and the scoundrels, the square pegs who never fit the round hole of society, and the result was typically a bucket of addictions, perversions, and bizarre predilections born of life on the outskirts. As jobs in the industry diminished, journalism had become even more cutthroat. Maybe Ill write something great this year. The Rise to Fame The modern Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders launch in 1972 and rocket to national fame. Sally is survived by her children: John (Tracy) of Bemidji, MN, Paul of Menahga, MN; Jean Gibbs (Mark) of Waconia, MN, Sue Umhoefer (Mark)of Hartland, Wl, and Dale of Bemidji, MN. Executive Editor, Editorial Partnerships, HuffPost. David Bentley Hart How to Write English Prose, Course Syllabi with Links to Readings and Slides. I would thump the kitchen table. by Sarah Hepola. Its projection. You can call it cancel culture. Sarah Hepola is the author of the New York Times bestselling memoir, "Blackout: Remembering the Things I Drank to Forget."MORE FROM Sarah Hepola Thats when I first found out what blacking out was. Gender, sex, morality. I didnt deserve to be there, or at least thats how I felt as guests exchanged war stories about the scolds on social media, where I mostly posted upcoming appearances, like a bot run by a PR firm. Fear of professional exile has kept me from taking on certain topics. The fast-typing egalitarians of the internet age wanted social change, vengeance, a megaphone for their righteous anger. There are some crucial details missing from Sarah Hepola's new memoir, Blackout -- but that's the whole point. I had no husband and no qualms about that. Her memoir, "Blackout," will be published by Grand Central on June 23, 2015. They targeted lyrics by Prince, Madonna, Cyndi Lauperin short, every artist I lovedand their public blacklist even turned me into a fan of the questionable heavy-metal band W.A.S.P., whose name was thought to be an acronym for We Are Sexual Perverts. (I had no idea!). The selfie with Malcolm Gladwell I posted to Instagram did get a ton of likes, though. I was very disconnected from, Am I even hungry? I am such a binge eater, and I will eat away my feelings in the same way that I would drink away my feelings. Id spent the past five or so years watching celebrities, pundits, friends, and internet randos fall from grace for reasons as varied as sharing dumb jokes, making clumsy writing errors, accidentally showing their dong, and expressing controversial (though often widely held) opinions in the public execution chambers of social media. I was not in that situation; I was on the other side of the fence. Hepola convincingly portrays her life as a blacking-out alcoholic, but even more compelling is the picture she paints of sobriety. I toyed with the idea of writing about Brock Turner. A human life is morally complex, filled with ambivalence and uncertainty, and accepting the quickly assembled dogma of social-media feeds lets us bypass messier realities that we ignore at our own peril. Often called the Stanford rape (although the ghastly episode was, under California law at the time, considered a sexual assault butnot a rape) it became famous after the young woman at the center wrote ablisteringvictims statementthat was published onBuzzFeedand went supernova. My writer friends and I huddled backstage at panels in green rooms filled with chocolate-chip cookies and veggie platters, whispering about everything we couldnt say out there, in the scary beyond. Not because anyone asked for it, but because this is the career Ive chosen, and if Im not doing that, thenwhat are we doing here? Were missing the chance to learn. We are all unreliable narrators. But my cohort and I had grown up wanting it both ways: a safe career, and an artistic one. But there was a . Lets talk about it out there, he said, gesturing to the corridor that led to a packed audience, and I gave him that look, the same look Id given the younger man who asked why I didnt write about these things. Oprah had him on to talk about the book, and exactly two weeks later, she sat down with Chanel Miller, whose own memoir, Know My Name, had become a sensation. This was the stuff of doorstop novels, and yet people were working it out in 280 characters dashed off in line at Trader Joes. Maybe it would get me intoThe New Yorker! And it might be different from what you are at the moment -- without being supermodel size, either. My parents were Yankee liberals, only one of many ways we didnt fit. Admin. Im telling you about what I saw when I was 19. She was a very positive person, had an independent spirit, was high energy, and was incredibly welcoming and caring. I grew up in a conservative part of Dallas, in the conservative 80s. She went to St. "You might think it's stupid, but I still think it's art." How long does it take to become a therapist? All I know is that I hated it, and for five years, I kept very quiet about it. One of the common arguments made, at least about #MeToo scandals, is that the men (and women) behaving badly rarely face legal punishment. I told these stories and everyone laughed and I felt heroic. 1928 - 2022 Sally was born on September 1, 1928, to Frank and Noella Hall in Little Falls, MN. She lives in Dallas. Yes. Im worried about you. What's Sarah Hepola 'scared to write about'? The tragic result is a disturbed public forum where it often seems like no adults are in the room. If youve never experienced a blackout, it might be hard to understand the icy wrongness of waking up to find a blank space where three hours should be. Your email address will not be published. As she tells it, Sarah Hepola's romance with alcohol began in her childhood (yes, childhood), when she would sneak sips of beer from her mother's half-drunk can in the fridge. (Laughs.) (I had to imagine that Oprah, queen of empathy, was having a hell of a time in this day and age. Hepola, a personal essays editor at Salon who experienced blackouts during her 25 years of drinking, assumed everyone knew what they were. Find the obituary of Sarah Hepola (1928 - 2022) from Mesa, AZ. Well, has the Internet read The Corrections?. And the unsavory truth is that, as someone who has done Very Stupid Things while drinking, I also sympathized with Turner. My college boyfriend introduced me to Joan Didion. This felt empowering to her, as it did to many of us who were young and sexually active at that time. Its like that line I have in the book: I thought sobriety was the boring part, but sobriety is the plot twist. TWIN CITIES, MN Camille Williams, who co-anchored with her husband Cory Hepola for KARE 11 on weekends surprised her fans Tuesday night when she announced her departure from the station . I just thought this was how it was donewe said one thing in public, and backstage we said what we really thought. I was screwed. Artists were the weirdos and the scoundrels, the square pegs who never fit the round hole of society, and the result was typically a bucket of addictions, perversions, and bizarre predilections born of life on the outskirts. Right. In the Dream House University of Alabama Press *A NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER* For Sarah Hepola, alcohol was "the gasoline of all adventure." She spent her evenings at cocktail parties and dark bars where she proudly stayed till last call. Everything is guesswork. I was stuck. Consent, complicity, moral trespass, power dynamics. The unwritten rule of elite media tribes seemed to be this: You spout the company line, or you shut up. Oh God, I did that. To do so risks public shaming and possible loss of livelihood, both of which are of overwhelming importance to people like Hepola who write for a living. Pero tena un precio. There were the pressing matters of rent, exorbitant insurance, and the occasional glitter heels. 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